Katie D. Arnold- Writer

Author: Katie D. Arnold

  • Motherhood

    Sometimes I get so wrapped up in being a mom that I forget I’m still just a woman in her early 40s experiencing life for the first time too.

    I’m still learning how to show myself grace while staying strong for everyone around me. I’m still trying to figure out who I am beyond the deadlines, the dishes, and the lullabies at midnight.

    I give so much of myself all day but some nights I lay down feeling completely drained and I can’t even explain why. Is it the depression, the burnout, the mom brain fog?

    I’m raising a little human, but I’m still growing myself…still healing parts of me I never had time to face…still craving rest…still wishing someone would ask how I’m really doing.

    motherhood is beautiful, but sometimes it consumes me and in the quiet moments, I remind myself—

    I am more than just a mom: 

    I’m a woman evolving and still learning who she’s becoming!

  • 40’s is the Decade that I finally Arrive

    I’m turning forty one in a few short months. Forty one!

    In my younger years, I assumed the 40s would be the age I fought against…proof that my best years were behind me, and it was all downhill from here.

    Now I think it might be the age where I finally arrive. There has been no meltdown. No spiraling in the middle of the night.

    Just the unexpected realization that I am not afraid of this chapter. I am actually looking forward to it.

    That does not mean the transition has been graceful. It has required a fair amount of reckoning.

    There is the early perimenopause while still raising small humans. The wrinkles earned from decades of laughing, crying, and surviving things I once thought might break me. 

    A body and mind that is evolving and asking to be met with patience and grace.  The divorce. The sudden, sobering awareness that life is both precious and fleeting. And the brain fog. The kind that sends you to Google for an answer, only to forget what you were searching for and remember it moments later!

    But there has also been healing both physically and mentally and joy, oh so much joy!

    Watching my daughter grow from a baby to a toddler to a child has been the greatest experience of my life. It has also been hard but the good days outweigh the bad.

    I turn 41 in May and it has been (mostly) a wonderful first year of this decade- looking forward, not behind, to so much more this little life I have built has to offer!

  • Celiac Disease and Depression

    Hi- it has been a minute, I’m sorry I have been absent from posting for a while. Most of 2025 I spent on my health journey. I got some intense DBT counseling in the Spring (more on that in a separate post) and it was super helpful to learn some of those mindfulness skills. Over the Summer I took two small weekend trips to Charleston and New Orleans for my 40th birthday with friends and in July I took a big trip to the Grand Canyon with my daughter and one of my best friends from college and her family. All of these trips were therapeutic in their own ways, so I am thankful for the opportunity to take those trips . In the fall I started to finally see some specialists and figure out some physical health issues that had been bothering me for a while.

    One of the main issues that had been bothering me, not to get too TMI, was a chronic case of diarrhea that I could not shake and the fatigue I was suffering related to that. I made an appointment to see a gut doctor (gastroenterologist) and she was amazing. She ran blood tests and did an endoscopy and determined I have Celiac Disease. The solution to that disease is to follow a gluten free diet. I was scared and worried- to cut out all bread, could I do it? I have a hard time being on restrictive diets but she said I will eventually develop Lymphoma if I don’t change my eating habits. That was enough motivation to at least get me to try it.

    I gave it a go, the gluten free diet, starting in the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I figured if it wasn’t working out or if the diet was too hard to stick to I would just cheat over Christmas. Within a week I was feeling so much better- I was shocked! My diarrhea issues improved significantly and my fatigue lifted, I slept better, and felt better overall…calmer, more peaceful, less anxious. Wow I was surprised! And feeling better made sticking to the diet so much easier.

    And then it got me thinking how many years have I felt overwhelmed, depressed, fatigued, and anxious- was my problem all this time that I was just allergic to gluten and eating a heavy carb and bread diet? I don’t know?

    What I do know is that Celiac disease is an auto-immune disorder where gluten that is ingested from bread products activates your body to attack your intestines. But also, it has a correlation with mental health, because since being gluten free my depression symptoms, that I felt like I could never shake before, have been lifted. I feel better and more even but not elevated like I do when I feel good in a hypo-manic state. I have finally exited the bell curve of the ups and downs of bipolar disorder from manic to depressed and feel, for lack of a better word… normal.

    There is no official research that I have found correlating mental health issues with Celiac Disease, but as someone who has experienced the change to my mood and mental and physical state cutting out gluten, I can not imagine that there is not a correlation somehow.

    Now I am not saying this means I believe all of a sudden that I am not bipolar and therefore I am going to stop taking my meds or seeing my psychiatrist, no that is not the case. I am very well aware that I still need to closely monitor and manage my mental health and listen to my doctors, regardless of feeling better.

    But what I am saying is wow, I am so thankful to finally see and feel how the other half lives (the non-depressed half). Calm and peaceful body and mind, it makes a huge difference! So if there is anything to take from this my message is- listen to your body and make an appointment with a specialist. For years my general doctor wrote off my gut issues as having to do with taking too many laxatives in my 20’s and that somehow ruined my gut- WRONG! I am so thankful that I was my own advocate and took the initiative to seek out a specialist.

    Here’s to being our own best health advocates and to feeling better, even if that means an additional chronic illness has been added to my list of things to deal with on my ongoing, lifelong health journey.

  • The Art of being Alone

    I think it is hard, I still struggle with it, loneliness that is. It goes through waves for me sometimes I crave solitude especially when I am very busy and sometimes the need for human interaction, even just a phone call, is helpful to making me feel better. I think being a single mom who isn’t currently dating and most of my close friends live out of town lends for a lot of alone time that I struggle with. I love my time with my daughter, and that is the time I cherish most, but with co-parenting their are significant breaks in our time together and I miss her when she is with her dad.

    I also struggle getting back out there and dating because my marriage was so toxic. In that sense I would rather be alone than trying to please someone else or doing everything they say with no decisions of my own in the relationship. Being alone is a freedom that is purely enjoyed after being in a controlling and manipulative relationship.

    I think adult friendships are hard. Everyone is busy with work and family and it leaves little room to make new friends and spend the time building those new relationships. I lost a lot of friendships I had built throughout my marriage during my divorce due to gossip or misinformation about me and my situation, and also due to a huge lifestyle change I made refraining from drinking regularly and never drinking heavily like I did in my marriage. I just quietly quit the friendships of people who supported my ex-husband through our divorce and who continued to drink a lot, especially drinking with kids present, and I think I am better off for it. However it does leave me with a much smaller friend base and less people to do things with which can be lonely.

    Another thing that tends to leave me feeling disconnected or lonely is that hobbies I enjoy can tend to be isolating and solitary- for example reading and needlework. One of my goals is to find some kind of group to join the involves an interest I enjoy and can help me meet people. I think a mental health or single mom support group would be a huge help to me right now, but maybe also getting involved in a local church, volunteering more at my daughter’s school, or being more involved in helping with her extra-curricular activities would be something to think about too.

    I think struggling with one’s mental health can be extremely isolating too. The motivation to get up and do anything is hard during a bout of depression and can also leave one feeling isolated due to not feeling like they have anyone to talk to who understands what they are going through. I think until someone truly experiences how hard depression is they will never understand the struggle and internal battle a person with depression faces and how lonely it can be sometimes.

    Technology and the modern world in some ways has made us more connected then ever, but in other ways it has fostered more isolation as we all just sit in front of our screens vs interacting in person more regularly. Loneliness is hard and I struggle with it regularly but I have to remember it is also freedom and independence and I should relish that part of it.

  • When fatigue is more than just depression

    Recently I have been feeling down, sluggish, tired (more than the usual tired) and I have been chalking it all up to a bit of depression and stress. The usual stress with co-parenting, work, lack of connection to peers etc. Come to find out through the gastroenterologist and the tests she ran that I may have Celiac disease and this could be contributing to my feeling of fatigue.

    Now this is the hard part of suffering from chronic depression is that everything feels like depression when you are fatigued or sluggish. And sometimes there are other physical factors that are not just depression, but it still feels just like a bad bout of depression.

    Two years ago I got the flu really bad over the holidays. I was confirmed it was the flu to rule out covid, so tests confirmed that the flu was actually what I had. I was sick for 2-3 weeks but the weird thing was I didn’t feel sick I just felt super depressed and sluggish. That’s where our minds can play tricks on us. Suffering from chronic depression can make us feel like anything physical going on with our bodies is just that same old depressed, sluggish, fatigued feeling. That’s because depression causes physical symptoms in people suffering from it the same way the flu and a myriad of other health conditions make us feel tired too.

    This is what makes suffering from mental health diseases so hard sometimes- is it physical, is it mental, is it both? Is it stress induced or circumstances, is it mental only and our medicine just needs to be adjusted? It is hard to know sometimes. Mental health medications can cause a myriad of side effects is why some doctors write off my physical symptoms as nothing other than side effects which can be frustrating. Also many mental health medications cause weight gain and then doctors tend to associate any physical issues with the problem of obesity, but maybe it is more than just obesity or stress, maybe something is really wrong physically but most doctors won’t believe you because of your mental health diagnosis. The stigma that everything is just in your head with a mental health diagnosis and don’t believe everything on the internet has been said countless times to me by various health professionals and is frustrating to say the least.

    I know my body and I can feel something isn’t right, more than just stress, more than being over weight (though I don’t deny losing weight would help me to feel better), and more than my mental health diagnosis which I am managing well. I am relieved this doctor is doing further tests to get to the bottom of my gastro symptoms.

    I think depression makes everything harder right?! But sometimes knowing whether it is truly just depression getting you down or something more is hard too. I encourage all to seek medical help whenever something feels off either mentally or physically or both. Early detection saves lives and as far as mental health issues seeking help early gets us back to our best selves faster, to live our best lives longer with less suffering for ourselves and loved ones.

  • Anger is an Emotion

    Anger-ugh, I don’t like to feel it but it comes up a lot these days. I think my anger comes out the most when I am ultimately feeling hurt and misunderstood. So what happened recently to evoke this emotion? Well you will be surprised to to find out it wasn’t evoked by the two biggest culprits who evoke this emotion, my ex-husband and my sister, no it was strangers this time which is weird for me- here goes:

    My neighborhood has a pool that our HOA dues allow us to have access to and I would like to point out I am up to date on my dues, that was not the issue. So the pool has a gate and key cards apparently to get in, however I was never truly informed with how this works as I just bought the house 1 year ago, last June. Now last year they were having issues with the key card system and therefore letting everyone sign in with their address and were super nice about it. This was not the case yesterday when we tried to access the pool and we were met by a very rude male teenage lifeguard who was not going to let us in due to the fact that we didn’t have a key card. Well I will admit this escalated my temper as an HOA paying homeowner and someone who had not been previously informed when I bought the house how to obtain a key card. So tense words were exchanged on both sides but ultimately we followed another family in and that was that- or so I thought.

    Well he called his lifeguard supervisor who then escorted me out of the pool and called an HOA Board Member and these two women proceeded to chew me out for roughly 30-45 min about how wrong I was to be rude to a young teenage boy and how dare I try to access the pool without a key card. I tried to calmly explain my side of the story but they weren’t having it and this further escalated my anger as you can imagine. Meanwhile families are walking up without key cards and they are politely letting them in. Now this really irked me. So the result was I got kicked out with an email including the paperwork to apply for a key card and who knows when I will receive it, and wow was I mad. The only good thing is that my daughter got to swim this whole time with my mom and family friend and she was none the wiser about what was going on. It was only until they kicked them out and my daughter is screaming and upset that I really got upset and understandably so. I asked the HOA Board member her name and said I would remember her at the next election- so there!

    I ordered pizza and calmed down and we had a great night but gosh was I mad! The injustice of it all over a simple misunderstanding and a rude teenager. I hope he quits his job. You know part of what makes me so frustrated about this is that I was a lifeguard in high school at my neighborhood pool and I would’ve never in a million years shown such disrespect and been so rude to a family in the neighborhood as this kid was rude to us- never! And I said that when I was speaking with his manager and the HOA Board Member. They said the responsibility falls on me as the adult to be nice to him regardless of his behavior. Well the fragility of the male ego- whoa, excuse me I am his elder as you are pointing out, he should have the burden of being respectful to me.

    Anyways we live in a day and age where no one can apologize. They handled the situation really terribly and even as I pointed out it was just a misunderstanding because I had never been given information about the pool access when I bought the house, the HOA Board Member continued to be rude to me and make a big deal about the neighborhood email and how it was my responsibility to keep up with those emails. At that point I just mentally checked out and told myself that these people are crazy and therefore tried to get the information on how to get a key card. It reminded me of arguments with my sister- you just can’t fight irrational minds and therefore you have to just give up at some point.

    My emotions were totally deregulated and I felt so hurt and misunderstood ultimately is why I felt so angry. Sure I was rude to this teenager and that was wrong, but he was rude to me too and there was no accountability for that. I hope he quits his job so I never have to see him again, I hope I get a key card before the end of summer- I hope a lot of things for this world, like that everyone would have kindness and understanding in their hearts, but that was just not the case unfortunately and I was treated really rudely unnecessarily by two women who could have easily de-escalated the situation but chose not to.

    I was proud of myself that I did keep my anger in check and tried to calmly explain my side of the story to the best of my ability for the most part. But like I said when the people I am speaking to are irrational and totally mishandling a situation and escalating the emotions just to be jerks like this pool manager and HOA Board member had clearly set out to do, there is nothing to do but keep myself in check with my emotions and walk away. This was a power trip for these ladies and they wheedled their few grasps of power as best they could against an innocent HOA dues paying homeowner who just wanted to enjoy the pool. If that makes them feel better about themselves I am glad I could help.

    What makes me truly angry about the whole thing is the fact that whatever the teenager’s side of the story was was taken so seriously and whatever I said didn’t matter. He was rude to me too, we were both rude, but he was justified and I was punished by being kicked out of the pool. Again the injustice of it all and the fragility of the male ego in this day in age is unbelievable. If this kid thinks he can tattle every time a strong women challenges his rude behavior and get away with it then he has a long pathetic life ahead of him as a mediocre male.

  • Shopping Habit

    I have a shopping addiction. The dopamine rush I get from purchasing something either online or in-person is as bad as a drug addict. Maybe it is a safer vice than drugs or alcohol but not for my bank account that is for sure. And the amount of needless things that I buy, or that I have duplicates of, or that I just don’t need is unreal.

    I have hoarding tendencies, genetically. I know this from cleaning out my grandmother’s house who passed away in March. Wow the stuff she saved and had tucked away! But she was very frugal and cheap being a depression era person. The problem is that I am not frugal or cheap, I like the finer things in life, but I do not have an endless source of income somewhere. I work very hard for the money I make as a paralegal and I need to budget that being a single mom with a lot of expenses (daycare, mortgage, car payment, health costs etc).

    So there lies the problem- shopping addiction coupled with limited income equals disaster potentially. I am working on my shopping addiction/tendencies in therapy but that can only help so much, I have got to be more disciplined for the safety and wellbeing of me and my daughter’s financial future. There is no “White Knight” or “Sugar Daddy” who is going to ride in and save us if things get really bad. Luckily I have been able to stay within my means so far since the Divorce and I do receive a small amount of child support monthly which helps, and I am good about returning things when I can, but there is no guarantee in life.

    A part of mania and Bipolar that is hard to deal with is reckless behavior and I think that excessive spending on unnecessary items can fall under that reckless behavior. Yes it is safer that drug or alcohol addiction or sex addiction which are all some of the more common forms of reckless behavior in the mental health realm but an excessive shopping addiction can ultimately lead to financial ruin if I don’t watch it. So I need to watch it and budget and be more careful or frugal with my money.

    It is hard though- we live in a “Treat Yo Self” era and the amount of targeted ads that are sent to us daily either through text, email, or social media ads is unreal. And by targeted ads I mean these companies have run algorithms to find data on past purchases and send ads and discounts on things we would possibly particularly like for future or similar purchases. I am a sucker for this unfortunately.

    Through DBT therapy I am going to try to use my skills more to combat my shopping addiction. Stop and Wait, Turn the Mind, and Mindfulness (to name a few) are all helpful tools I can use to combat the urge to needlessly shop for that quick dopamine hit. Hopefully I can get better at this and start to save more money for me and my daughter’s future. Here’s to trying my best!

  • The Importance of Sleep on my mental health journey 💤

    Insomnia, it gets us all at times. Whether we can’t sleep because of stress, or worries, or medication, or traveling…or all of the above, we have all experienced it at some point.

    The problem is insomnia, or the lack of proper sleep, is dangerous for someone diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. Sleep is a cornerstone of the disease whether it be too little or too much during times of mania (marked by too little sleep) or depression (marked by too much sleep).

    However the problem with sleep and Bipolar disorder is another cornerstone of the disease is that normal sleep habits are very hard to regulate- go figure! Something that needs to be regulated to keep myself well is also hard to regulate because of the disease itself- a frustrating predicament about Bipolar disorder to say the least!

    Something that has helped me is taking extra over the counter sleep medication on an “as needed” basis. Zyrtec the allergy medication makes me sleepy and I take that pretty regularly in addition to my prescribed medication to help with my sleep and generic sleep medication like zzquil can also help.

    Bipolar disorder can in some sense be classified as an extreme sleep disorder as well as a mental illness. I also suffer from snoring, sleep apnea (I think, undiagnosed as of now), and sleep walking all brought on by stress. Bipolar is a stress induced illness as well. I think if I could get my stress under control I could live a much happier, fulfilled life and my symptoms of all these sleep disorders would be much less prevalent.

    Sleep is vital to human life and feeling well rested can help so much in our everyday lives. A form of torture is to deny your captives sleep and studies have been done of people going mentally insane just from lack of sleep.

    For those of you who suffer from sleep issues like me, what are some tips and tricks that have helped you?

    Like I said above extra sleep medication helps me but also ear plugs to block noise, an eye patch to block light, and some sleepy time tea before bed like chamomile flavor can help too. I have found a warm bath before bed, when I can, with melatonin in the bubble bath soap and Epson salts helps too.

    Good luck to anyone struggling with sleep regulation and issues like me. It is rough especially when our days are full with work and mom duties. But we can do it, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger! Happy sleeping 😴

  • How Important Therapy Is

    I’m back- I took a little sabbatical there from writing, and had a really hard time again in March 2025 following some events that transpired with my sister and my grandmother dying, which pushed me to join an IOP (intensive out-patient) therapy group mid-April 2025. The great thing about IOP is I can maintain my job and mom duties and fit it into my schedule seamlessly which has been great.

    And it has been helping me a lot. We learned that the whole point of IOP – DBT therapy is: “to control our minds so we can better control our emotions and reactions and live a happier more fulfilled life.” DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) has been doing just that for me. I have had some situations come up since starting this therapy that I have handled and managed much better than I would have prior to this therapy.

    The situation I am most proud of handling so well was my EX in-laws (Greg’s parents) coming to town for Pre-K Graduation for Brooklyn with no prior warning or heads up that they would be in town for the weekend from Chicago. I kept my cool and didn’t let it phase me. They came to the T-ball end of the year party too on Sunday and I just talked to different people and I didn’t let Ellen’s (Greg’s mom’s) annoying behavior get to me. I was so proud of myself, but it was mainly due to the skills learned in therapy and the cope-ahead plan I had worked on prior to the weekend and seeing Greg, I just modified it to include his parents in the moment.

    I have also taken some trips in the month of May to Charleston, SC and New Orleans, LA and I think the therapy has really helped me a lot to cope and manage successfully some situations that arose on these trips with friends. Another huge milestone is that I rang in my 40th birthday happy and healthy, mentally and physically, where last year I was so suicidal I thought I may not make it to my 40th birthday alive. That was huge that not only did I have a good time celebrating I also went on two trips and had a family swimming celebration that were all very positive and enjoyable! Usually my birthday month is hard for me- so I am very happy that 40, which is such a milestone itself was a good one for me! 🙂

    2025 also marks 5 years since I officially separated from Greg in August 2020. That has been a huge milestone that this therapy has been helping me work through. I finally feel ready to move on and live my best life with Brooklyn. Next major goal is weight loss and then I am “On my way” (a song from B’s Pre-K Graduation) to a happier and healthier life, and I’m finally ready!!

  • Kindness Counts

    What a true sentiment, it really does! I think it can make such a huge difference in all of our personal relationships – from friends and family to co-workers and even acquaintances or even strangers we encounter in our daily lives. One thing I like to remember when I am upset or angry about something and I am trying to express this to someone else and discuss my feelings or the situation with someone are two things- 1. Is it necessary, will it help the situation positively and 2. is it kind to say to this person? If it is not either of these things, kind or necessary, I try to hold back and keep my negative, hurtful thoughts and feelings to myself to either journal about them privately later or talk with someone else later, like my therapist or my mom. But this can be hard! And strong emotions like anger, fear, and being hurt about something or frustrated about something can get the best of us especially people like me who personally struggle with regulating my strong emotions due to a mental health diagnosis.

    I think the most important person to remember to be kind to though is ourselves. And this can be super hard sometimes! For me during more low times mood wise when I am more depressed I tend to turn my anger and my feelings of being upset inward toward myself and in times when I am feeling more up mood wise or hypo-manic I tend to turn my anger and feelings of being upset outward at others typically those people in my life who I am closest to like my family. Neither of these tendencies is good and one thing I am really trying to work on are my feelings of anger and feelings of being upset especially about major life events I have experienced like being diagnosed with Bipolar when I was a teenager (yes I am still struggling with that unfortunately) and going through a hard, traumatic divorce in the last 5 years.

    One thing that has helped me in my difficulties with trying to co-parent effectively with a very difficult person, my ex-husband, is remembering to always try my best to be kind and understanding toward him and his situation. Now this doesn’t always work out perfectly because I can get frustrated easily by his lack of kindness or understanding toward me, but for the sake of my daughter and wanting to do what is best for her always, I try to stay kind and respectful toward him no matter how he is treating me and this in some ways has helped me personally heal from some of the verbal and mental abuse I suffered from him during our 10 year long relationship. Kindness, on my end at least, has helped contribute a lot toward my healing with all of that previous trauma I experienced in that relationship and kindness has helped a lot with my on-going frustration of co-parenting with a difficult person regularly which can be hard sometimes.

    Kindness has helped me a lot with being a good mother and having an excellent and special relationship with my daughter that I treasure so much and I am so thankful and proud of. Young children can be difficult and stubborn and infuriating at times, honestly, and navigating this semi-alone (with some help from my mom) has been super hard at times. But keeping kindness at the forefront of my relationship with my daughter, who is only 5 years old, I have found to be super important because she is little, and doesn’t always understand, and she is still learning and growing and needs that constant guidance from all of the adults in her life (parents, teachers, grandparents, etc). I still remember to set boundaries and stick to certain rules and trust me she is not always happy about that, but keeping kindness and understanding and love at the forefront of my parenting style has been so helpful for both of us and I look forward to our mother/daughter relationship growing and getting even better as she gets older.

    To wrap this up, my point is that kindness is important and helpful with all of the relationships in our lives, and we need more of it (kindness in general) in this sometimes very dark world we live in, but it can be hard when our emotions and stress get the best of us. I definitely struggle with that! All we can do is try our best to be the best version of ourselves and focus on being who we each uniquely are as people, apologize and repair relationships when we can, and move on and try to heal when we can’t. I have lost a lot of friendships during my divorce which I still do regret and grieve to some extent, and I have a very difficult relationship and dynamic with my sister, but my parents are my rock and I am very thankful for that and I hope and I strive to be that for my daughter. So keep pushing, keep trying to do your best, that is all any of us can do, and with the help of therapy and doctors and people in our lives who are positive influences- we can do this! We can thrive, not just survive, struggling with mental illness and keeping kindness at the forefront of our daily emotional journeys .