I have a shopping addiction. The dopamine rush I get from purchasing something either online or in-person is as bad as a drug addict. Maybe it is a safer vice than drugs or alcohol but not for my bank account that is for sure. And the amount of needless things that I buy, or that I have duplicates of, or that I just don’t need is unreal.

I have hoarding tendencies, genetically. I know this from cleaning out my grandmother’s house who passed away in March. Wow the stuff she saved and had tucked away! But she was very frugal and cheap being a depression era person. The problem is that I am not frugal or cheap, I like the finer things in life, but I do not have an endless source of income somewhere. I work very hard for the money I make as a paralegal and I need to budget that being a single mom with a lot of expenses (daycare, mortgage, car payment, health costs etc).

So there lies the problem- shopping addiction coupled with limited income equals disaster potentially. I am working on my shopping addiction/tendencies in therapy but that can only help so much, I have got to be more disciplined for the safety and wellbeing of me and my daughter’s financial future. There is no “White Knight” or “Sugar Daddy” who is going to ride in and save us if things get really bad. Luckily I have been able to stay within my means so far since the Divorce and I do receive a small amount of child support monthly which helps, and I am good about returning things when I can, but there is no guarantee in life.

A part of mania and Bipolar that is hard to deal with is reckless behavior and I think that excessive spending on unnecessary items can fall under that reckless behavior. Yes it is safer that drug or alcohol addiction or sex addiction which are all some of the more common forms of reckless behavior in the mental health realm but an excessive shopping addiction can ultimately lead to financial ruin if I don’t watch it. So I need to watch it and budget and be more careful or frugal with my money.

It is hard though- we live in a “Treat Yo Self” era and the amount of targeted ads that are sent to us daily either through text, email, or social media ads is unreal. And by targeted ads I mean these companies have run algorithms to find data on past purchases and send ads and discounts on things we would possibly particularly like for future or similar purchases. I am a sucker for this unfortunately.

Through DBT therapy I am going to try to use my skills more to combat my shopping addiction. Stop and Wait, Turn the Mind, and Mindfulness (to name a few) are all helpful tools I can use to combat the urge to needlessly shop for that quick dopamine hit. Hopefully I can get better at this and start to save more money for me and my daughter’s future. Here’s to trying my best!