Trauma Bonds

Recently I had a falling out with a dear friend. It was a long time coming actually due to jealousy of motherhood or lack thereof on her end and just lots of other little things, one being her sister is a crazy right wing conspiracy theorist and they are really close, but anyways. But in our last conversation she said she wanted a break or didn’t want to be friends because we were in a trauma bond and I wasn’t enough of a prayer warrior for her. Now I would like to clear these two statements up.

First, I don’t believe she and I have a trauma bond because neither of us has been abusive to the other person. Now I am in a trauma bond and cycle of abuse with both my ex-husband and sister, but those explanations are for another day. This friend and I have both been going through a lot these past few years (with her mother dying and my marriage dying) and we have each been grieving those very different and difficult things in our lives in our own ways. I thought we were just genuinely bonding and being a support to one another but apparently she did not feel the same way.

Second, to say I am not a prayer warrior for a dear friend that I think about and pray for often is just plain offensive. Sure I don’t say god bless you to everyone I come across (like she does which I actually find somewhat disrespectful), and sure I am a liberal democrat who is very vocal on social media about my issues with the current administration, but that does not mean I am not a Christian or I don’t pray for my friends and family. Geez what a low blow.

I needed a break anyways. This is a friend who constantly subtly puts me down a lot and can only be friends with people the she deems “beneath” her. She felt like I was beneath her all throughout college and she felt vindicated being single when I was marrying such a bad guy, but the baby thing she can’t get past it. I know she has always wanted to be a mother and it breaks my heart that she probably won’t get to do that, but motherhood isn’t everything and she has a very vibrant life. I’m over it honestly. If she doesn’t want to be friends for whatever reason that is her problem not mine and I am going to continue to focus on friendships that bring me joy instead.