Here’s what happens:

Chapter 1:

The narcissist sees you and likes you, probably for an array of superficial reasons.

The narcissist engages in conversation with you. The disorder scans you for all the possibilities you offer.

When you seem promising to the disorder (read: accommodating/ lack of boundaries/wounded/people pleasing) it tells the narcissist they like you.

The narcissist starts pursuing you.

Chapter 2:

The narcissist starts mirroring you because it’s the disorders best bet to get you to like the narcissist.

You’re more and more convinced that you met your other half/ your soulmate/ your twin flame.

You think the narcissist is perfect and mirrors their perfection back at them.

The narcissist is garnering the most potent supply there is now.

The disorder, needing that supply to maintain the narcissist’s false reality, encourages the narcissist and tells them that you’re perfect for them.

It infatuates the narcissist.

Chapter 4:

You and the narcissist are now feeding off each other. The narcissist is idealizing you and vice versa, it’s a chain reaction.

The narcissist thinks that this is forever, you’re filling that aching identity gap they live with. They now finally are who they want to be, they’re needed, important, desirable, perfect and important. A glorious person, mirrored to them, by you, they are.

The narcissist burdens you with the task of regulating their self-esteem and providing them with the gratification they need, to believe they’re happy.

Chapter 5:

Familiarity sets in. You get to know the narcissist, the narcissist gets to know you. Your infatuation turns to love.

But wait, the narcissist can’t feel love, they don’t understand.

They can only understand what’s abundantly present and in their face, not attachment, they don’t feel the same.

No attachment for the narcissist.

Where did your devotion go? Why are you spending time with others? Why are you going back to work? What’s this love you’re talking about? They can’t see that! What’s it good for? The narcissist feels rejected.

Your supply declines. The disorder needs supply. The disorder lets the narcissist know that it’s time to broaden their horizon, time to get additional and other supply sources. It needs it and you’re not doing your part.

And so, the narcissist gets told by their ND that it’s all your fault, you conned them. You pretended to be perfect, and you’re not. Matter of fact, if the narcissist thinks about it, you’re not all that goodlooking either, you gained weight and your skin looks pale. (according to the narcissist- it’s not the truth).

Due to the same familiarity, you’re failing to exite the narcissist like you used to.

You can’t provide them with happiness anymore. You’re depressing the narcissist.

And that’s how it came to be, that every narcissist in this world, started resenting their partner.

And the resentment grew, and it grew and it grew. The rest is history.

*please note that the perspective of the narcissist is jaded and it is not the truth about you.

Don’t believe the gaslighting. This leads to high-conflict divorce and high-conflict co-parenting.