Terrible Advice

“What is a widely accepted piece of advice that is actually terrible?”

-I think this is listen to or run everything by your spouse without doing your own research or having your own opinion-

I think the biggest mistake a person can do “coupling up” with someone is losing themselves in the relationship, and I know from experience. I think continuing to make your own decisions however small or big without help from your spouse or partner is so important to maintain.

I think losing my ability to make decisions for myself and then eventually my daughter was the catalyst to losing myself in my relationship and eventually needing to leave to find my voice again.

It started off small, but for the longest time my ex-husband made every decision in our relationship and then eventually started making my personal decisions like, what to wear, how to do my hair, and what to eat daily. I know it started off innocent enough because sometimes I do have a hard time making decisions for myself, especially what to eat daily, but it turned into something so controlling and sinister. We would have huge fights over what I was going to wear, especially, and this would really upset me because expressing myself through my outfits and clothing has always been very important to me and I have always had a strong sense of personal style, even since I was very young (just like my daughter).

Losing my decision making capability for over 10 years was hard and even after I left and filed for divorce it was a process to gain that skill back. For the longest time after leaving, my parents filled that void that was previously taken over by my ex-husband, but my parents and my therapist helped me work on finding my voice again and taking back over my decision making capabilities, and I am very thankful for that.

So moral of the story, don’t lose yourself in your relationship by letting the other person make all of the decisions (like I did!). Make joint decisions as much as you can, but definitely keep personal decisions to yourself to make with little to no input from outside sources/spouses/or partners.