I love being the mom of an only child. When people ask me if I have more kids I answer “No she is my one and only, and I love it”. Now had my circumstances been different and I had been married to a supportive husband who I didn’t need to divorce, and he was helpful , and I didn’t have a traumatic childbirth and hard post-partum then maybe I would have had 1 or 2 more kids, maybe? and that is a big what if, because I think with my mental health struggles once me and my daughter have passed certain hard milestones like the newborn phase of little sleepings or diapers/potty training I can’t imagine going back and I have absolutely no desire to go back to those stages honestly with another kid.
Years ago when I was discussing my options and desires to have children someday with my health professionals, especially my psychiatrist and therapist at the time, my former psychiatrist had a good point- One child gives you all the pleasures of motherhood without the added stress that multiple kids adds, including extra financial stress and added logistical challenges of having a big family. I really took this to heart especially when I struggled with childbirth and the postpartum months following my daughters birth, including my marriage falling apart within the first year of my daughter being born. I decided a one and only (perfect…no kid is perfect!) child was plenty to fulfill me and I felt very blessed to be able to be a mother at all with the fertility issues I had struggled with.
Now I know that there is an argument to be had that giving your child a sibling is very important in the sense that as parents we will hopefully die long before our children and leaving them built in family is important. However, I would have to disagree. Having a difficult and tumultuous relationship with my own sister I would have to argue that having siblings isn’t always a good thing. My sibling relationship has mainly brought more stress and heartache into my life unfortunately.
My daughter longs for a sibling though and she expresses it sometimes. I like to tell her the most we can hope for is each her dad and I getting remarried to people who have their own children and then she can have step-siblings. She has cousins who are similar to siblings but with more good and less bad with different parents and different homes. I think my daughter is lucky being an only child. She gets more one on one attention from both her parents and more financial benefits from doing more expensive extra-curricular activities, more trips, and receiving more presents than she would if she had siblings. Big families are fun but they do come with their own set of challenges especially when traveling or eating out, because everything is just exponentially more expensive with more people involved.
I am just so thankful to be a mom that I don’t want to take it for granted wishing that I had more kids instead of appreciating and loving the little girl I was blessed with.
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