I genuinely believe postpartum is a completely different experience when you have a good man beside you. I’m not saying a supportive husband makes postpartum easy necessarily. It doesn’t. You’re still exhausted and still healing. Your hormones are still all over the place. Your body is changing. You’re feeding a baby around the clock. You’re overwhelmed. And sometimes you’re crying and you don’t even know exactly why.
But there is something incredibly powerful about going through all of that while knowing: “I am not carrying this alone.” Because a strong husband doesn’t just ask, “Do you need anything?” He notices and sees that you’re running on empty. He takes the baby so you can shower. He makes dinner without being asked. He tells you to go lie down. He doesn’t complain about the mess. He doesn’t keep score. He doesn’t act like helping with his own child is doing you a favor. He just shows up. And sometimes the strongest thing he can do is simply remind you: “I’ve got you.”
Because postpartum can be such a vulnerable time. You’re learning how to be a mom to another little person while simultaneously trying to figure out who you are again. And there are days when you don’t feel strong, or beautiful, or well rested. You don’t feel like yourself. You feel like everyone needs something from you and you don’t even know what you need. And having a husband who looks at you in that moment and says, “You’re doing an amazing job”, can mean more than he’ll ever know.
Because sometimes you don’t need someone to fix postpartum. You need someone who makes it feel less lonely. Someone who protects your peace. Someone who doesn’t add another person to your list of responsibilities. Someone who understands that when you say, “I can’t do this today,” and doesn’t answer it with, “Of course you can”, but answers it with “You don’t have to. I’ve got it.”
And I honestly believe this is one of the biggest things we don’t talk about enough when we talk about postpartum. We talk about sleep, hormones, breastfeeding, recovery, and postpartum depression and anxiety. But we don’t talk enough about the impact of having a partner who is truly in it with you. Because there is a huge difference between being married and actually feeling supported in your marriage. There is a difference between having a husband and having a safe place.
The man who sees what motherhood is asking of you and doesn’t expect you to carry it all. The man who understands that your body just created a human being and gives you grace. The man who doesn’t expect you to immediately bounce back. The man who protects your rest. The man who protects your mental health. The man who makes sure you eat. The man who reminds you that you’re more than a mom. The man who still makes you feel like his wife when you’re completely buried in motherhood.
And maybe that’s why postpartum has been one of the hardest experiences I have ever endured. Not because I’m weaker or more vulnerable because of my Bipolar diagnosis than every other mom, but because I didn’t have someone beside me who helped me stay strong when I didn’t feel strong. I didn’t have a partner who protected my rest or my mental health, in fact he used both of those things against me to break me down. I didn’t have someone who understood that my body just created a human being and gave me grace. And my journey into motherhood initially was so much harder because of it.
I wish my husband could’ve been there for me in the ways I needed. A husband who didn’t just love the baby…but loved me. I needed someone, too. I needed to be cared for and checked on and held.
So to the husbands who show up during those exhausting postpartum days…who hold their wives when they’re overwhelmed…who take the baby without being asked…who make sure Mom gets a shower…who protect her sleep…who tell her she’s beautiful when she doesn’t feel it…who remind her she’s doing a good job when she feels like she’s failing…you are valued and appreciated more than you will ever know. Because those of us who didn’t receive that support can see it was received in other women even if we didn’t receive it ourselves and we are happy for our fellow women who received that kind of care.
I will always remember how my husband made me feel worthless when I was in my most vulnerable state both physically and mentally. I was alone. And honestly? It ended up being the greatest gift because it gave me the courage to leave my husband and build a better life for me and my daughter, and that has been such a blessing now.
If you’re a new mom without that support right now, please know this:
You deserve support. You deserve care. And you were never meant to carry postpartum completely alone.
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